Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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