hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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