it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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