Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
