Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
