Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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