is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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