I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
