im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
