Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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