The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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