Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
