im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
