I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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