My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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