evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
