so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
