I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
