i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
