I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
