Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
