Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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