Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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