what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
