she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
