she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
