Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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