Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
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