Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
