Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
