So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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