Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
