If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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