so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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