party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
