I hate your face
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
