i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
