after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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