Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
