Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
