I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
