Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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