I don't think brook has ever known best
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
