shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
