Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
