and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Never underestimate the power of titties
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
