I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
