His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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