Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
