Someone shit on the floor
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
