dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
