but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Randomize
