I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
