Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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