You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
