I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
