You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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